The Desert

" O my God, fill my soul with holy joy, courage and strength to serve You. Enkindle Your love in me and then walk with me along the next stretch of road before me. I do not see very far ahead, but when I have arrived where the horizon now closes down, a new prospect will open before me, and I shall meet it with peace." -St. Edith Stein

My life has been met with tremendous suffering the past three years. My faith has been put to the test. I have failed so many times. God is working with me now to let go of the selfishness that has caused so much of the downfall. I feel like that God is calling me to a more ascetic life-style that will break these bonds of selfishness and bring me into a deeper relationship with Him. I have to let go of the desire of that which is other than Him. I have to desire Him with everything I do. I feel a great attack of Satan now upon my soul. Christ is using the suffering that I have encountered to make me realize my sole need of His grace. I need to live in the here and the now with Jesus. I do not need to look to tomorrow with anxiety or worry about the wrongs of the past. This moment is what I need to be concerned about. How do I serve Jesus in this moment? So that, as St. Edith Stein says, ". . . when I have arrived where the horoizon now closes down, a new prospect will open before me, and I shall meet it with peace."